dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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