Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
