I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
