Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
