So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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