She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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