Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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