I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
