I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
