If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
