btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
