its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
