Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my poor anus
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
