and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize