i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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