Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
