nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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