i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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