I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
