its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
