why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
