oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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