I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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