Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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