Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He kissed a someone with a penis
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
