something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
