apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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