Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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