come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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