her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
