i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
