last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
