so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
