Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
