Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
