i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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