We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
