I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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