i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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