You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
