I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
