Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
