Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
