Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
