You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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