Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
