He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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