So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
