ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wear drunk well.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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