you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this boner is exhausting
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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