Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this will be a night to untag.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
