haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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