If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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