I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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