I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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