Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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