Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
