Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
