And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
