we're blogging at a bar
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
