booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
