D3 body, D1 cock
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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