I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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