It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
