i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
