did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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