I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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