she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
