I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He felt like a one man threesome
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize