Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
