He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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