I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
