I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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