I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
