I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she peed on how many people?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
