we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
