Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
