shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
